Dinner with a Dragon

Last night, we had dinner with a dragon.

He was adorable--that was the only reason we allowed him at the dinner table. I mean, his joy at being a dragon was SO adorable.

At first, the dragon was sweet and cute and funny (although he did insist that we call him "Roary"--from Dragon Tales). He said that the grilled pita pizzas looked "so yummy" and that he loooooved to eat dinner with his family.

But then, the dragon started to change. He started to show a little dragon-attitude. "Dragons do NOT like these kind of pizzas." and "Dragons are only supposed to eat dragonberries!" (Again, from Dragon Tales.)

Pretty soon, that sweet smiley dragon had morphed into this dragon:

Still cute. But, entirely too pouty for the dinner table.

I don't know if we'll be inviting this dragon for dinner again.

Grilled Pita Pizzas (not for dragons)

-pitas (we bought some kind of big whole wheat ones from Whole Foods in the freezer section)

-pesto of your choice (we like the creamy lowfat one from this recipe)

-shredded cheese of your choice

-sliced tomatoes

-slivered & sauteed red onions (optional)

Grill one side of the pitas. Spread the cooked side with pesto, cheese and tomatoes. Toss back on the grill until the other side is done and the cheese is melted. YUM.

Adoption F.A.Q.

Everything you ever wanted to know about our adoption but were afraid to ask...or live too far away...or weren't sure how to ask...or just really want to know but feel kinda dumb asking. ;) (Also known as the most common questions people ask me or want to ask me.)

Q. What's wrong with your woman parts? (Ha ha. Not really how people ask it but, really, how I feel sometimes.) or Why not just have another baby the old fashioned way?
A. I have approximately 1 bajillion cysts on each of my ovaries. These, plus the hormone dysfunction that comes with them, prevent me from ovulating and, thus prevent me from getting prego.

Q. Why not do infertility treatments again?
A. There are a number of reasons...the quick version is this: Many treatment options have an increased risk of multiples. While I would gladly take full-term twins, chances are very good that any multiples that I carried would be born even earlier than Milo and Isabel (and I don't know if I could handle that scariness again). The limited options that do not have an increased risk of twins or more are, of course, quite expensive and not covered by our insurance. We thought long and hard about our options, prayed about it, and both felt that adoption was the road that was meant for us. That's not to say that, someday, we might not want to pursue fertility treatment--it just didn't feel right at this time.

Q. Why not just be happy with the two kids that you have?
A. We are very happy with the two kids that we have--thrilled in fact. But, we've always wanted more children. We love being parents! We love being parents together and we've always envisioned at least 3 kids--maybe more in our family. Spencer has 3 biological siblings and 2 stepsisters and it, honestly, could not be any more fun. Big families rock. We want that for our kids. Plus, we believe that families are a very important part of Heavenly Father's plan for us. :)

Q. Aren't you scared?
A. Absolutely. Terrified, in fact. I'm scared that we won't get picked. I'm scared that we will get picked. I'm most scared that we will get picked and the birthmom will change her mind. This is where faith comes in--in a big HUGE way. We are doing our best to trust in God and to trust that, when it's supposed to happen, it will happen. The baby that is meant for our family will end up with us. In the meantime, there is a whole lot of prayer going on around our house.

Q. How do you get picked?
A. Our agency, LDS Family Services, is not a "top of the list" agency (some are). Instead, it is all driven by the birthmoms. They "shop" through the profiles of couples within the agency (either online or with one of the agency caseworkers) and select the couple they feel is the best match for their baby. Because it's all birthmom driven, it could take us months or, even, years. The average wait time for our agency is 6-18 months. Once a birthmom picks us, the caseworker will contact us and we begin communicating. This could be anything from emails, to phone calls, to meeting in person, to not communicating until the baby is born.

Q. What's in your "profile"?
A. Our profile consists of a number of things...we have two online profiles (one with LDSFS and one with ParentProfiles). The online profiles give the basics about us, include a birthmother letter, and also have a number of pictures. Our "paper profile" is kept by LDS Family Services and includes a lengthier birthmother letter, all of our stats, and two scrapbook pages about our family. For the record, trying to summarize and sell your family in these fashions is a truly bizarre experience!

Q. Will your adoption be open or closed?
A. This is entirely dependent on the birthmom. Most adoptions now are open--many are very, very open. However, there are still some birthmoms who want a closed adoption. We are very open to having an open adoption and to having contact with the birthmom after placement. We feel--and the data seems to support this--that the truth is nearly always best and the more complete a background and story we can present to our child, the better. Also, we know several birthmoms who placed children prior to adoptions becoming more open and their grieving process seems as though it would have been easier to a degree if they had been able to have more extensive and longer communication with the adoptive families and their children.

Q. Do you care what race the baby is? What about drug exposure and stuff like that?
A. We are completely open to race and gender. We've decided to take a "case by case" approach to many of the potential challenges such as drug exposure and maternal health risks.

Q. How's it going? Has anybody looked at your profile?
A. It's...well...it's going. :) We've had several "false starts" as we've taken to calling them--some more involved than others. We had two last week. That was a rough week. :)

Usually, we don't necessarily know if a birthmom is looking at our paper profile. Our caseworker will notify us if there are special circumstances that he wants us to be aware of before showing our profile but, otherwise, we don't know about it. We have trackers on our LDSFS website profile and our ParentProfiles profile so we do know when people look at those. There's no way to distinguish between birthmoms, family, friends, other adoptive couples and your regular-old-run-of-the-mill-looky-loo though.

We're really hopeful that something will pan out soon. When we started this adventure, we had NO idea that we would have so many false starts. This definitely is not for the weak of heart--or stomache--and there are many more ups and downs than I thought there would be. That doesn't stop us from both feeling, very strongly, that this is still an amazing journey and one that we were meant to take.

There. Now you know it all. ;)

Now seriously, want to know something else? Just ask.

Show Business

Yesterday as the kids were getting into the car, Milo was complaining that he wanted to sit in the particular carseat that Isabel had claimed. Ever helpul, Isabel piped up with, "Sorry Milo! But that's SHOW BUSINESS for ya!"

What??? After I snorted with laughter, she took the opportunity to use that same expression no less than 6 more times in the next 10 minutes.

Halloween...already?!

Ironic isn't it that, after I complain every year that the Halloween stuff is out at the stores 3 months before Halloween, here is my son, decked out in some dress up clothes purchased from the dreaded Halloween aisle (a full 7 weeks before Halloween) and sporting his favorite toy ever--the Anakin Skywalker Light "Saver" (as he calls it).

We've been talking about Halloween for weeks and weeks already. "Mom what can I be for Halloween?" "Mom when can we get my costume?" "Mom what if we can't find my costume" "Mom who will we trick or treat with?" And my favorite, "Mom why won't you be Queen Amidala for Halloween?"

Spencer made quick work of swaying Milo to change his costume of choice from a panda (his all-time favorite animal) to a Star Wars character this year. Never mind that he's never seen the movies. He sometimes plays the Star Wars Lego video game at the gym and that's enough for him--he's in love. Spencer has also recruited Milo in his efforts to do a family costume extravaganza this year. His brilliant plan is for him (Spencer) to be Anakin, me to be Queen Amidala and for the kids to be Luke and Leia. (Or as the kids call her, "Princess Lad"...I think they were trying to read the funny words on the video game and Leia looked like Lad...or something.)

There's something you should know about me...I don't do costumes. Seriously, I am lame. LAME-O. Never really have. Don't see myself suddenly falling in love with it anytime soon. I'm totally anti-wig. I despise face paint. I get claustrophobic in uncomfortable clothes. See, I told you. LAME. When I taught preschool, I threw together some last minute extra-lame farmer costume and was mocked mercilessly by 3 and 4 year olds all day. ("But Miss Erin, you don't even LOOK like a farmer!") I can honestly say that that was the last time I dressed up.

Well, now I have a 4 year old asking me several times a day why I won't dress up like a Star Wars character. Spencer's brilliant plan is so not happening.

Unlike me, Isabel is willing to take one for the (family) team. After having her heart set on being a witch for the last, oh, year or so, she's been persuaded to change her costume. This was after much begging and pleading on Milo's part of course. When she, apparently, couldn't take it anymore she made a family announcement that went something like this...

*BIG HUGE SIGH THAT ONLY A TRUE MARTYR COULD SUMMON UP*

"Okay, okay! I will be Princess Lad for Halloween."

*ANOTHER BIG HUGE SIGH OF A TRUE MARTYR*

"Yes, Milo. I have changed my mind. I will be Princess Lad for Halloween."

*LONG DRAMATIC PAUSE*

"Because I like you. And I like princesses."

*SHORTER PAUSE*

"Mom, are you sure Princess Lad doesn't wear a crown?"

I'm thinking that Princess Leia will be wearing a bejeweled tiara this year.

Sale!!

If you're in the area, please stop by Shepard of the Hills Lutheran church (1200 S. Taft Hill Road) on Saturday for our Fort Collins Preschool garage sale! It starts at 8am and there are dozens of families participating with proceeds benefiting the preschool! See you there!

Cathryn is...shmifty!

Another of our Grandmas turned...something that rhymes with shmifty this week! (Although, Grandma Kim did want to know how "thirty-five" rhymes with shmifty...)

This post was going to be super cute with video interviews of four-year-old grandchildren. But, after 3 trips to the store and not remembering camera batteries even one of those times...I had to surrender. So, now we'll have to settle for a pretty cute post with cute pictures that are a teeny bit outdated. :)

Grandma Cathryn (a.k.a. Joan Jett) and Milo playing RockBand. April 2008.

Why I love Grandma Cathryn by Milo:


"She has really fancy nails like Mrs. Bonnema."


"She lets us play with Nigel. (long pause) Well, but then he was dead."


"She plays RockBand with us."


"She, um, reads us stories and plays on the floor with us."

Grandma Cathryn and Isabel. July 2005

Why I love Grandma Cathryn by Isabel:

"She takes us out to her garden and shows us stuff. And she has tomatoes!"

"She lets us see where Nigel is dead." (translation: where Nigel is buried in the backyard)

"She has lots of dollies and she lets me play with them."

"She has pretty hair and it's red"

Spencer, Milo, Grandma Cathryn, Erin and Isabel. March 2006.

Why I love my mom by Spencer (as told to Erin over the years--and especially during our adoption study interviews--because far be it from Spencer to directly participate in blogging ;) )

"My mom always did such an awesome job of making our childhood FUN...even though we didn't have any money, we always had fun."

"One of the greatest lessons my mom ever taught me was that I had to deal with the consequences of my actions...if I chose to procrastinate and not do a homework project until the last minute, that was my problem. She never bailed me out. It taught me to be responsible for my own actions and to deal with my problems directly."

"My mom is such a great Grandma to our kids. She always plays with them, never hesitates to get down on the floor with them, and she's always willing to read to them."

"My mom makes no apologies for who she is. She is living her life just the way she wants and doing all kinds of stuff that she never got to do when we were kids...hiking, riding her bike, camping."

Why I love my mother-in-law by Erin:

Cathryn raised four amazing, unique, and strong children. They are self-sufficient, caring, and incredibly tight. They say you can measure a person's worth by their children--not sure I buy into that completely but, in this case, there is something great to be said of it.

Cathryn selflessly helped us when I was on bedrest, when the twins were in the NICU, and after they came home from the hospital. She drove nearly an hour each way to see them several days a week while they were so tiny in the hospital. That commitment and just her presence meant so much to us--more than we could ever say. She (and Melissa) were a huge part of why I stayed sane through all of that.

Cathryn is living her life to the fullest. She's been through some incredibly difficult times and trials and, like Spencer says, makes no apologies. She appreciates the adventure in life and is doing her best to experience it from every peak, trail, and valley around!

She holds no judgement. Cathryn loves her children for who they are and where they are in life--wherever that may be at the time. We've never felt pressured or judged by her to do something or be something. We've just always known that she loves us and is supportive of us no matter what. (She's this way with everyone I think--lucky everyone!)

Cathryn is incredibly smart, bright, and engaging. She is knowledgeable about so many subjects and could kick your fanny in Trivial Pursuit so watch out (she may be a wee bit of a gloater too so come prepared to win or suffer!! LOL).

We love you and we miss you Grandma Cathryn!! Hope you had a great birthday!!!!

Preschool, Prayers, and Nationwide Coverage!

I have no pictures actually related to this post so we'll have to make do with an assortment of pictures I've been meaning to blog about...

First, nationwide coverage!! Our profile went live today on ParentProfiles.com. You can check it out by clicking here. This site is the adoptive parent piece of Adoption.com and a few other big adoption sites. This is a big step as far as "expanding our exposure" (adoption lingo again). We're hoping that this will help to connect us with the right birthmom or help to connect us to someone who will connect us with the right birthmom. Check it out--I'd love any feedback and constructive criticism. Putting all of these profiles together is a very strange experience...trying to sell yourself without sounding like you're selling yourself...sounding good but not too good, real not fake, positive but not obnoxious. Anyway, I'd love any feedback! After awhile, I feel like it's impossible for me to objectively compile all of the information they want. :)

Old Town sculpture with Kennedy

Last week the kids and I spent the day with Summer and her girls again and we had so much fun. We showed them around Old Town Fort Collins, ate some yummy lunch, and headed up to Cheyenne to the Sierra Trading Post outlet. The highlight of the day for me was hearing Isabel and Kennedy trying to talk over one another and ending their exchange with this:
Isabel: "UGH! Would you just hang on a minute?!"
Kennedy: "Blah! Blah! Blah!"

They are definitely well-matched. ; )

Isabel and Kiana cuddled up at the Rockies game

Preschool continues to be the greatest adventure of their 4 1/2 years. Milo loves every single second of it and can't wait to get there. He's made friends (BEST friends if you ask him) with a cute and sweet little boy named Jack. Milo is soooo thrilled to have a friend who is A BOY and who likes to play firemen and marbles and doesn't (that I know of) try to make him dress up like an Asian Prince two or three times a day.

Spencer and Milo...Milo loves watching the games and shouting "You're out!"

Isabel also loves preschool but, for her, it's been a completely different experience than I imagined. I thought she would jump right in, make 50 friends, and then proceed to have her bossiness tamed a little by Mrs. Bonnema (the all-knowing-and-completely fantastic teacher). I was totally wrong! For the most part, she completely sticks to herself, doesn't really talk, and hasn't really made any tight friends yet. She is so enamored with the dressup clothes (tons of them) and the art projects (many, messy, and very creative) that she doesn't really seem to have time for anyone or anything else! We'll see how things go over the next few weeks...:)

Milo trying to love cotton candy. He really, really tried. But, sadly, he thought it was disgusting. It was sooo funny watching him try to love it. Finally someone (grandma) lets him taste it (his mom is a cotton candy hater) and he couldn't believe he didn't like it!

We also went to a Rockies game with my whole family (minus Ethan). It was so fun, perfect weather, and we had awesome seats (thanks Mom!). The Rockies lost but, really, it's more about the peanuts and Crackerjacks isn't it?

Once again, I ask, what is going on in this picture?? Note the layers, the "throne", the "crown", and the other jewels. She is SO funny. :)

Isabel has taken to saying the prayer by herself before dinner and during family prayer before bed. She has treated us to some seriously awesome little nuggets such as:

"...and please bless that Aunt Stacy will finally get a husband." (Sorry, Stace I have no idea where that came from.)
"...and please bless that Maycee (our neighbor) will not be sassy to me." (For the record, Maycee is so not sassy in a bad way.)
"...and please bless that Milo will finally start saying prayer like me sometimes."
"...and thank you for all of these blessings that are lovely and thank you for all of these lovely blessings."
"...and please bless that Milo's bed will not look so RIDICULOUS anymore with that pink poodle pillow on it!" (Said with eyes open & giggling. After Dad gave her a "be more reverent" poke on the leg, she poked him back and repeated the same thing just in a deeper voice!!)

Run Like a Girl

Also known as the post that took weeks to write...

One of many finish line family photos. Boulder Backroads. September '05.

Once upon time, I was afraid. Afraid to run. Afraid to try. Afraid to fail. Somehow, something had changed in me. I was so caught up in all of the things that I wasn't--or didn't think I was (thin, fast, pretty, you name it). And then, there was the pregnancy. And the twin pregnancy. And then, there was bedrest. And then, there was the NICU. And then, we lived in a dark dank hamster-cage-smelling basement apartment. And I wasn't afraid anymore. Now, I was just trapped. That little girl with two long braids and new sneakers running down Berkeley Avenue after school was trapped. I was trapped in our apartment and I was trapped in a body that I'd not been able to use for months. A body that medications and hormones and a surgery had turned into something that I no longer recognized.


Sure, my body had done something amazing. It had given me two children who were finally home from the NICU and doing relatively well. Great really. They were even breastfeeding. That alone was huge. I had managed to do what everyone said I wouldn't or couldn't do, I had gotten my premature twins to the point that they were exclusively breastfeeding. But still and suddenly, I felt trapped. Trapped in my own skin and in my own body.

I needed out. Not out of my body, but OUT. I needed outside. I needed to move. I needed to feel the breeze on my face and the stretch in my calves.

So, we started walking. I'd haul them both up to the top of the stairs in their carseats, lock them into the stroller and walk. Up and down hills, around the zoo, anywhere. For hours. Finally, that girl was coming back. My body felt like it was starting to work for me again.

Slowly. Slowly. I started thinking that maybe I could. Maybe I could run again. Maybe I wasn't afraid anymore. Or at least, maybe I was bigger than the fear.

So, slowly. Slowly. I started running. Both kids in the double-wide jogger and, often, Shikay by my side. And we'd run. Slow at first. Okay really slow. Alternating walking and then running. Each time a little longer or a little farther. Until, one day, I was just running. And I was loving it. I felt like that little girl again. Braids flying behind me, running down Berkeley Avenue.

Every time I would run, my heart would pump louder and louder and my mind would untangle. Every run would leave me feeling breathless and so clear, all at the same time. I felt so strong, so unafraid, so much bigger than the challenges that had seemed unsurmountable. Those runs. That running. They were so much more to me than running. I had tackled something so much bigger than a few miles or a race. I had tackled my fears. I had lived through the pregnancy, the bedrest, the delivery, the NICU, the breastfeeding and now, I was running again. I had done it. I had proven to myself that I was capable. I could do it. I had done it. I was running.

That was why I started. Why I keep running is all of those reasons plus a few more. Two really. Milo and Isabel. Maybe even more Isabel than Milo. There is an amazing article written by Kristin Armstrong (yes, she's THAT Armstrong's ex-wife) for Runner's World magazine. In it she talks about running for her children and says,

"The way I see it, the only way to run counter to our toxic image-centric society is to literally run by example. I can't tell my daughters that beauty is an incidental side effect of living your passion rather than an adherence to socially prescribed standards. I can't tell my son how to recognize and appreciate this kind of beauty in a woman. I have to show them, over and over again, mile after mile, until they feel the power of their own legs beneath them and catch the rhythm of their own strides."

She goes on to say,

"It matters to me that my children see me out there, slogging through difficult miles. I want my girls to grow up recognizing the beauty of strength, the exuberance of endurance, and the core confidence residing in a well-tended body and spirit. I want them to be more interested in what they are doing than how they look doing it."

High-fiving Milo and Isabel as I crossed the finish line. Colorado Run 10K September '08.

This article made my heart soar and made the tears fall for me. This, THIS, is why Spencer gets my kids up at ridiculous hours and drives them to all sorts of crazy places to see me cross the finish line. This is why, every time I see them at the finish line, I cry tears of pride and joy. This is why I cried this last week when I crossed the finish line with them in their first 300m kids run. THIS is why I am so glad that that I found that little girl with braids again. And that she isn't afraid to run anymore.

Isabel, Spencer, and Milo just before their first official kids run. They did great. :)

THIS is why I started running. THIS is why I keep running. Like a girl. ;)

The first day of the next 14 years...

Today was the first day of preschool--feel free to get teary-eyed and blubbery with me. :) I know everyone says it but, really, I cannot believe my kids are this old! Where did it all go???

When I asked Isabel what I would do while they're gone all day, she (taking a cue from her cousin Brooke) offered me the suggestion that "Um, you could, like, just stay home and sweep and moth (mop) the floor and stuff Mommy." Thanks. I think I will! ;)

Spidey and Belle at the Pre-school Party

The kids were so excited but getting more and more nervous as the day was approaching. Last night we had a "Pre-school Party" (as in, before school) and even had a cake with Grandma Kim and Grandpa Manuel (who had eye surgery and was walking around looking like a pirate--but that's a whole 'nother story).

On the way home from Grandma and Grandpa's Isabel said "Wow, guys! It's gonna be a looooong night isn't it?". Excited much? ;)

They were so wound up this morning (and running a little late) after their pancake breakfast with Daddy that I couldn't get them to hold still for a decent picture to save my life. They were so cute--their outfits had been picked out for days (except for Milo's new shirt--thanks to Sagie's great eye!) and they packed their blankies in their backpacks just in case they needed a snuggle for a minute during preschool.

This look says it all. Isabel was sooo anxious when we got there. She is a girl who definitely always wants to know "the plan". She asks me every single day what "our plan" is and loves to know the schedule of how things will go. Preschool was a little (a lot) chaotic this morning and it was completely freaking her out. She kept giving me this fake-not-even-a-smile smile.

Milo, on the other hand, couldn't wait to have at it all! He threw his bag in his cubby, posed for this picture and then disappeared into the crowd. :) I think he's going to love it.

Sitting in circle time together. The only time Milo showed any glimmer of stress or anything was when two kids tried to sit on either side of him. He piped up with a "NO!! THAT'S WHERE MY SISTER HAS TO SIT!!!". Cute. :) I'm so glad that they have each other!

When I picked them up, they were both anxiously awaiting me in their little cubby seats. They looked so relieved to see that I had, in fact, returned to get them. They, literally, almost knocked me over with giant hugs and simultaneous chattering. Now, on to naps and the rest of our new schedule. ;)