Preschool, Prayers, and Nationwide Coverage!

I have no pictures actually related to this post so we'll have to make do with an assortment of pictures I've been meaning to blog about...

First, nationwide coverage!! Our profile went live today on ParentProfiles.com. You can check it out by clicking here. This site is the adoptive parent piece of Adoption.com and a few other big adoption sites. This is a big step as far as "expanding our exposure" (adoption lingo again). We're hoping that this will help to connect us with the right birthmom or help to connect us to someone who will connect us with the right birthmom. Check it out--I'd love any feedback and constructive criticism. Putting all of these profiles together is a very strange experience...trying to sell yourself without sounding like you're selling yourself...sounding good but not too good, real not fake, positive but not obnoxious. Anyway, I'd love any feedback! After awhile, I feel like it's impossible for me to objectively compile all of the information they want. :)

Old Town sculpture with Kennedy

Last week the kids and I spent the day with Summer and her girls again and we had so much fun. We showed them around Old Town Fort Collins, ate some yummy lunch, and headed up to Cheyenne to the Sierra Trading Post outlet. The highlight of the day for me was hearing Isabel and Kennedy trying to talk over one another and ending their exchange with this:
Isabel: "UGH! Would you just hang on a minute?!"
Kennedy: "Blah! Blah! Blah!"

They are definitely well-matched. ; )

Isabel and Kiana cuddled up at the Rockies game

Preschool continues to be the greatest adventure of their 4 1/2 years. Milo loves every single second of it and can't wait to get there. He's made friends (BEST friends if you ask him) with a cute and sweet little boy named Jack. Milo is soooo thrilled to have a friend who is A BOY and who likes to play firemen and marbles and doesn't (that I know of) try to make him dress up like an Asian Prince two or three times a day.

Spencer and Milo...Milo loves watching the games and shouting "You're out!"

Isabel also loves preschool but, for her, it's been a completely different experience than I imagined. I thought she would jump right in, make 50 friends, and then proceed to have her bossiness tamed a little by Mrs. Bonnema (the all-knowing-and-completely fantastic teacher). I was totally wrong! For the most part, she completely sticks to herself, doesn't really talk, and hasn't really made any tight friends yet. She is so enamored with the dressup clothes (tons of them) and the art projects (many, messy, and very creative) that she doesn't really seem to have time for anyone or anything else! We'll see how things go over the next few weeks...:)

Milo trying to love cotton candy. He really, really tried. But, sadly, he thought it was disgusting. It was sooo funny watching him try to love it. Finally someone (grandma) lets him taste it (his mom is a cotton candy hater) and he couldn't believe he didn't like it!

We also went to a Rockies game with my whole family (minus Ethan). It was so fun, perfect weather, and we had awesome seats (thanks Mom!). The Rockies lost but, really, it's more about the peanuts and Crackerjacks isn't it?

Once again, I ask, what is going on in this picture?? Note the layers, the "throne", the "crown", and the other jewels. She is SO funny. :)

Isabel has taken to saying the prayer by herself before dinner and during family prayer before bed. She has treated us to some seriously awesome little nuggets such as:

"...and please bless that Aunt Stacy will finally get a husband." (Sorry, Stace I have no idea where that came from.)
"...and please bless that Maycee (our neighbor) will not be sassy to me." (For the record, Maycee is so not sassy in a bad way.)
"...and please bless that Milo will finally start saying prayer like me sometimes."
"...and thank you for all of these blessings that are lovely and thank you for all of these lovely blessings."
"...and please bless that Milo's bed will not look so RIDICULOUS anymore with that pink poodle pillow on it!" (Said with eyes open & giggling. After Dad gave her a "be more reverent" poke on the leg, she poked him back and repeated the same thing just in a deeper voice!!)

Run Like a Girl

Also known as the post that took weeks to write...

One of many finish line family photos. Boulder Backroads. September '05.

Once upon time, I was afraid. Afraid to run. Afraid to try. Afraid to fail. Somehow, something had changed in me. I was so caught up in all of the things that I wasn't--or didn't think I was (thin, fast, pretty, you name it). And then, there was the pregnancy. And the twin pregnancy. And then, there was bedrest. And then, there was the NICU. And then, we lived in a dark dank hamster-cage-smelling basement apartment. And I wasn't afraid anymore. Now, I was just trapped. That little girl with two long braids and new sneakers running down Berkeley Avenue after school was trapped. I was trapped in our apartment and I was trapped in a body that I'd not been able to use for months. A body that medications and hormones and a surgery had turned into something that I no longer recognized.


Sure, my body had done something amazing. It had given me two children who were finally home from the NICU and doing relatively well. Great really. They were even breastfeeding. That alone was huge. I had managed to do what everyone said I wouldn't or couldn't do, I had gotten my premature twins to the point that they were exclusively breastfeeding. But still and suddenly, I felt trapped. Trapped in my own skin and in my own body.

I needed out. Not out of my body, but OUT. I needed outside. I needed to move. I needed to feel the breeze on my face and the stretch in my calves.

So, we started walking. I'd haul them both up to the top of the stairs in their carseats, lock them into the stroller and walk. Up and down hills, around the zoo, anywhere. For hours. Finally, that girl was coming back. My body felt like it was starting to work for me again.

Slowly. Slowly. I started thinking that maybe I could. Maybe I could run again. Maybe I wasn't afraid anymore. Or at least, maybe I was bigger than the fear.

So, slowly. Slowly. I started running. Both kids in the double-wide jogger and, often, Shikay by my side. And we'd run. Slow at first. Okay really slow. Alternating walking and then running. Each time a little longer or a little farther. Until, one day, I was just running. And I was loving it. I felt like that little girl again. Braids flying behind me, running down Berkeley Avenue.

Every time I would run, my heart would pump louder and louder and my mind would untangle. Every run would leave me feeling breathless and so clear, all at the same time. I felt so strong, so unafraid, so much bigger than the challenges that had seemed unsurmountable. Those runs. That running. They were so much more to me than running. I had tackled something so much bigger than a few miles or a race. I had tackled my fears. I had lived through the pregnancy, the bedrest, the delivery, the NICU, the breastfeeding and now, I was running again. I had done it. I had proven to myself that I was capable. I could do it. I had done it. I was running.

That was why I started. Why I keep running is all of those reasons plus a few more. Two really. Milo and Isabel. Maybe even more Isabel than Milo. There is an amazing article written by Kristin Armstrong (yes, she's THAT Armstrong's ex-wife) for Runner's World magazine. In it she talks about running for her children and says,

"The way I see it, the only way to run counter to our toxic image-centric society is to literally run by example. I can't tell my daughters that beauty is an incidental side effect of living your passion rather than an adherence to socially prescribed standards. I can't tell my son how to recognize and appreciate this kind of beauty in a woman. I have to show them, over and over again, mile after mile, until they feel the power of their own legs beneath them and catch the rhythm of their own strides."

She goes on to say,

"It matters to me that my children see me out there, slogging through difficult miles. I want my girls to grow up recognizing the beauty of strength, the exuberance of endurance, and the core confidence residing in a well-tended body and spirit. I want them to be more interested in what they are doing than how they look doing it."

High-fiving Milo and Isabel as I crossed the finish line. Colorado Run 10K September '08.

This article made my heart soar and made the tears fall for me. This, THIS, is why Spencer gets my kids up at ridiculous hours and drives them to all sorts of crazy places to see me cross the finish line. This is why, every time I see them at the finish line, I cry tears of pride and joy. This is why I cried this last week when I crossed the finish line with them in their first 300m kids run. THIS is why I am so glad that that I found that little girl with braids again. And that she isn't afraid to run anymore.

Isabel, Spencer, and Milo just before their first official kids run. They did great. :)

THIS is why I started running. THIS is why I keep running. Like a girl. ;)

The first day of the next 14 years...

Today was the first day of preschool--feel free to get teary-eyed and blubbery with me. :) I know everyone says it but, really, I cannot believe my kids are this old! Where did it all go???

When I asked Isabel what I would do while they're gone all day, she (taking a cue from her cousin Brooke) offered me the suggestion that "Um, you could, like, just stay home and sweep and moth (mop) the floor and stuff Mommy." Thanks. I think I will! ;)

Spidey and Belle at the Pre-school Party

The kids were so excited but getting more and more nervous as the day was approaching. Last night we had a "Pre-school Party" (as in, before school) and even had a cake with Grandma Kim and Grandpa Manuel (who had eye surgery and was walking around looking like a pirate--but that's a whole 'nother story).

On the way home from Grandma and Grandpa's Isabel said "Wow, guys! It's gonna be a looooong night isn't it?". Excited much? ;)

They were so wound up this morning (and running a little late) after their pancake breakfast with Daddy that I couldn't get them to hold still for a decent picture to save my life. They were so cute--their outfits had been picked out for days (except for Milo's new shirt--thanks to Sagie's great eye!) and they packed their blankies in their backpacks just in case they needed a snuggle for a minute during preschool.

This look says it all. Isabel was sooo anxious when we got there. She is a girl who definitely always wants to know "the plan". She asks me every single day what "our plan" is and loves to know the schedule of how things will go. Preschool was a little (a lot) chaotic this morning and it was completely freaking her out. She kept giving me this fake-not-even-a-smile smile.

Milo, on the other hand, couldn't wait to have at it all! He threw his bag in his cubby, posed for this picture and then disappeared into the crowd. :) I think he's going to love it.

Sitting in circle time together. The only time Milo showed any glimmer of stress or anything was when two kids tried to sit on either side of him. He piped up with a "NO!! THAT'S WHERE MY SISTER HAS TO SIT!!!". Cute. :) I'm so glad that they have each other!

When I picked them up, they were both anxiously awaiting me in their little cubby seats. They looked so relieved to see that I had, in fact, returned to get them. They, literally, almost knocked me over with giant hugs and simultaneous chattering. Now, on to naps and the rest of our new schedule. ;)

More Voorhies Please

Saturday, we sought out that Rocky Mountain high with our friends, the Voorhies. It was such a beautiful day but a little on the crowded side (duh, Erin it's Labor Day weekend).

We hiked around a little at a place called Hidden Valley, got our feet wet in the stream, and went on to Sprague Lake to do some "fishing", some relaxing, and to walk the trail around the lake. After all that fun, we still had the energy to stop at Viestenz-Smith Park in Big Thompson Canyon to play for a bit. (If you live in the area, that park is awesome and totally worth the drive.) The kids had sooooo much fun--so did the big people. Summer and Mike are (still) hilarious and so much fun to just sit around and chat with.

Playing spot the elk near Beaver Meadows. There were TONS of them out and about.

Isabel, Kennedy, and Milo hiking around together after we had our picnic lunch at Hidden Valley. The kids were amused by the ground squirrels as long as they kept their distance--which they don't really do!
Hiking at the base of Hidden Valley.
The kids balancing precariously on a log that was a whole 2 1/2 feet above the little stream. You would have thought it was 6 feet above if you'd seen the amount of jumping and reaching the moms were doing everytime the kids moved. ;)
The kids fishing with Mike and Spencer at Sprague Lake. We layed a blanket out and just sat enjoying the weather, the shade, and the scenery forever. (Oh and this was before a certain dad, AHEM SPENCER, got a little too agressive with his casting technique and flung his son's fake fish hook thing off into the murkey depths of the lake. Let's just say that a pinecone is a pretty lame replacement and the 4 year old in question was not impressed.)
When I asked Isabel what her favorite part of our day was she said, "Um, playing with my friend Kennedy and holding the baby, Sophie, and hiking around. (pause) Oh! And holding that baby Sophie."

Kennedy and Isabel checking out the little fishing dock at sunset.

Isabel, Milo and Kennedy attempting to fit into the stump together. This lasted about 4 seconds and then it was on to more great adventures!

TwinTalk

**Milo is a thumb sucker. He loves nothing more than to settle in at night with his "thumbie", a "blankie" (preferrably his purple one), and his "softies" (the yarn ties on his blankies that he likes to rub with his fingers while he sucks his thumb). Today, Isabel was wearing some silly socks from the Dollar Spot at Target. The socks had orange puffballs on the backs of the ankles and she thought they were sweeeeet. Milo had been eyeballing them and talking about them all morning. Well, as soon as she took those suckers off, he dove for one of them, rushed to the corner, laid down and started sucking his thumb and rubbing the orangle puffball. I started laughing and asked what he was doing. His response was, "I just wanted to suck my thumbie and try using this bubble thing as a softie before Issy gets mad at me!". So funny and so silly. :)

**Earlier in the week, Isabel made a bracelet out of a piece of paper and then, very solemnly handed it to me. I thanked her and she said (in a very serious tone of voice), "Um, mom, since I wasn't born when YOU got married, I didn't get you a present. I've just been feeling kinda bad about that so here you go!". How thoughtful of her eh?

**The next day, we were driving in the car when Isabel piped up with one of her most random questions yet (and that's saying a lot). "Mom?! Why I am never old enough to just go buy a needle and some string and go make me a rug?!". WHAT??? After some clarification and probing, I figured out that that darn Sister Bear was the source of this angst too. I'm telling you, this girl lives for the Berenstein Bears. Apparently, in one of the books, Sister Bear makes a rug with some needle and some string. I see a potholder-making kit in our future!

**This week when I was giving Milo and hug before one of his naps, he rubbed my sides (love handles) then patted them and said with a big sigh, "I LOVE the way my Mommy feels." I started laughing and asked what that meant. "She's just so soft and smooth and soft!"

**Yesterday (post to come), we went on a mountain adventure with our friends, the Voorhies. Their daughter, Kennedy, rode in our car for part of the trip. After she asked me a question and referred to me as Erin, Isabel piped up with, "Uh Kennedy, most people around here call my mom Aunt Erin. I guess you could probably do that too...I mean, if you want to." I guess she thinks that would be a shortcut to making Kennedy her cousin. (Her greatest source of angst this week was trying to understand that Kennedy is NOT her cousin and that Kennedy will NEVER be her cousin--unless some pretty crazy stuff goes down in this family. Ha ha.)

Happy Birthday Lyla & Olivia!!

The most adorable girl-girl twins ever! :)

Today is Lyla and Olivia's FIRST BIRTHDAY!! I can't believe how time flies. I was lucky enough to see them just minutes after they were born and to spend the first week or so of their little lives with them and I've been in love ever since. (Honestly, isn't have nieces and nephews the greatest?? We all of love ours soooo much.)

Even, though this is, technically, Lyla and Olivia's day to celebrate it really is all about the mom and dad right? Melissa and Justin have done such a great job with these girls. They are happy, healthy, and adorable! Having twins is so hard sometimes, but so fun and so silly too. I am so proud of Melissa and so proud of Justin. We love you guys soooo much!! (Also, at the risk of potentially embarassing Melissa I have to YEAH for breastfeeding twins to the year mark!!!!! YOU ROCK.)

One of those...

Days.

You know, I don't like complaining much. I'm a big fan of the expression, "suck it up sister!". Life is what you make of it right?

This week, I'm tired though. I'm a little tired and a little grouchy. Too little sleep and a bunch of extra busy shifts at work have left me a little...crabby.

So, today...

• Isabel dumped half a bottle (seriously, HALF) of Hidden Valley Ranch on her teeny tiny salad. Hidden Valley Ranch is barfy (IMHO) anyway. Half a bottle of it in a teeny tiny bowl and all over your table is extra barfy.
• Milo whacked Isabel with the "caster rester" (also known as their toy cash register). She followed that up with a complete and total meltdown.
• Isabel is, somehow, covered in itchy mosquito bites even though we've not been outside in the morning/evening at all this week.
• People feel some sort of compelling need to tell me every adoption horror story they've ever heard. Ever. You know, ones about how their brother's plumber's priest's sister was going to adopt a baby from Ecuador but the birthmom changed her mind when they got there and then she had three eyes anyways and tried to extort money from them so instead they just didn't adopt and got a dog instead. Maybe I should get a dog? Is that what you're trying to tell me?
• Also, people feel another sort of compelling need to tell me every story about every person they've ever known who has been waiting to adopt and then got pregnant. Now, don't get me wrong. I know that this happens. I know people to whom this has happened. I'm just pretty darn close to 100% certain that this is NOT going to happen to ME. And I'm doing my best to be okay with that. It's a little disruptive though when people are constantly telling you these stories. I'm not sure how I'm supposed to take it?
• We FINALLY (everybody cheer with me now!) found a new babysitter. She is sweet, kind, loving, and adored by the children. However, today when I was orienting her, she had a whopping seizure. It involved a 9-1-1 call and everything. The poor thing was sooo shaken. (For the record, so was I. Resuscitating big people is not really my area of expertise!) So, she's out of commission until she figures out what caused her to seize today.
• My cute twin nieces are having their FIRST birthday on Thursday and we won't be able to go to Utah for the shindig and celebration. :( Stuff like this makes me so sad that we don't all live in the same state at least.
• We are currently in need of a new fridge, a new computer, and the check engine light is on in our Subaru AGAIN. (Isn't that how it always goes? If one thing breaks around here, 2 or 3 more soon follow.)

Here's the thing. Today, I get to take a nap with my kids. Tomorrow my cute kids get to start preschool and we (Spencer and I) both get to go with them. This morning, we got to go to the park and play with Sage and Porter. Today, I got to talk to one of my bestest friends ever, Shikay, and she made me laugh so hard my face hurt. Thursday, I get to have breakfast with 7 of the greatest nurses and friends a girl could ever know. Tonight, I get to go to a job that I absolutely LOVE with all of my being. Sunday, we had the previously mentioned fabulous dinner with fabulous friends. Today, I read this post by my sister-in-law that reminded me how difficult our first year was and how thankful I am for every moment I have with my kids and how important it is that I enjoy them.

I feel like, the older I get, the more clearly I know this: when God gives us challenges, He also gives us tools. When He knows we will struggle, He does his best to provide us with arms to hug us, friends to make us laugh, family to love us unconditionally, and--if we're listening--the reassurance that this will all pass. That, if we stay the course, we will be blessed and we will come out stronger for having done so.