The.Full.Story.

First picture with Keeler after we got into our room.

Wow. Writing this whole experience out has been much more intimidating and difficult than I ever thought it would be. Trying to convey the spirituality of this experience and the intensity of it feels almost impossible. Trying to convey our happiness and the dreamlike quality of all of this definitely feels impossible. We'll give it our best shot.



Did you know that, over the course of the last 9 months, we've had contact with 13 birthmoms?! Well, we have. Crazy right? I agree. So does our agency. That's a very high number. We were picked by two other moms before this mom. "What?!" you say! Yes, two others before this one. The first one, "J", you all remember. That broke our hearts. And hers. Another birthmom, a younger girl, had contacted us around the same time as "J". She expressed her desire for her baby to go to us; however, when faced with deciding between "J" and "A" we prayed about it and, ultimately, decided that we would go with "J". In the weeks following, we maintained contact with "A" (and still do) and learned that she would eventually change her mind and become engaged to the father of her baby.



My point in telling this portion of the story? Adoption is a long haul. It is difficult. It is heartwrenching and gutwrenching. There are very big ups and very big downs. Many couples do not have contact from any birthmoms for months and months and months. Some, like us, go through several contacts before they get the right match. When the beginning of January rolled around, I was tired. We'd been way up (getting matched with "J"!!) and we'd been way down (finding out our baby girl with "J" had a fatal birth defect). The holidays had been a strain. Much of our extended family was struggling. We were drained and we were beginning to wonder if this adoption thing would every really work out. I wanted a window to the future and I wanted it yesterday!



Then, along came "D". Well, along came an email from her really. (I'll take a moment to detour here and say that our LDSFS profile really got minimal traffic in comparison to our Parent Profiles profile. This was the first and only contact we'd had via their website.) On a Tuesday, I received an email that had been forwared via LDS Family Service's website from a birthmom who stated that she was about 33 weeks pregnant, that there was a possibility that she was carrying twins, asked if we could be ready sooner rather than later for a baby and if we would accept twins. For some reason, when reading this email, I felt like I had been...zapped. I felt all lightheaded and felt short of breath--and felt like this was IT. I tried to get a hold of myself and tap out a response. I was beyond anxious when I realized that the email she'd sent me had been sent on Friday but it had taken the site administrator several days to forward it to us. What if she had contacted other families? What if they had responded to her first? What if we'd lost our chance with her??



That evening, Sage and Melissa came over for our Biggest Loser festivities (don't judge-it's our only "thing"). While they were here, D responded to my email. Again, when I read it, I got all shaky and short of breath. I kept feeling like something was telling me that this was THE ONE. That night, I hardly knew what to do with myself. I just kept thinking, "This is it. This is finally it. I know it is." I was so convinced (and freaked out) that I emailed my adoption-BFF-via-blogging, Jess, and told her that there was something about this one. Spencer tried to stay more reserved (read: more sane) as we began corresponding with D via email.



Over the next few days, D took quite a bit of time to review our adoption website and to ask us some additional questions. Within a week, she told us that she wanted her baby to go to us. Over the next several weeks, we continued to correspond with her and continued to do our best to get to know her. D's story as to how Keeler came to be and why she chose to relinquish him is hers and we will respect her privacy by not sharing it here. She has a very full, active and busy life and during those weeks, it was apparent to us that she was doing her best to try to continue her own life while still trying to make the best decision possible for Keeler. Although I continued to have an underlying sense of peace about this being THE ONE, I still feared that it would not work out or that something would be wrong with the baby. We did our very best to be faithful, to pray, and to trust in the Lord's plan for us. As her due date neared, all bets were nearly off as I felt like I was hanging on to my sanity by a thread. :) A skinny thread. We told some of the pending delivery but not many. It was hard to see people want to be hopeful for us--or not want to get their hopes up. We hardly knew how to feel and didn't know how to tell others to feel.



We did our best to distract ourselves. We listened to a CD of adoption-related songs sent by the previously mentioned Jess, we hung out with friends, we clung tight to our family, we worked, we went on adventures with the twins. And. We. Waited.



On Friday, February 27th, I worked a night shift. And what a night shift it was. Baby after baby was born. Baby after baby was admitted to the NICU. D's due date was the 28th and something in me kept saying that this would be the day. When I finally left work that morning around 8:15am, I was exhausted. I was to return that night and I could not wait to crawl into bed and sleep. When I got home and tried to open the door, someone on the other side was trying to open it for me at the same time. And really struggling--I mean comically struggling. I thought, for certain, that it was Milo. Until the door finally opened and Spencer shoved my cell phone in my face--open with a text message displaying. "What?!!!" was all I could say. I thought maybe he was going to give me grief about an "inappropriate" but funny (who me?) text from a friend (ahem, Sage) or something. But, there it was. "It's a boy. 8 lbs 1.6oz. Healthy so far."

My brain immediately ceased function and I began shaking uncontrollably. What did this mean? He's here but is he ours? Did she change her mind? Is she really going through with it?? I slipped out the back door to call her. She confirmed that he was doing well, she was doing well (although relatively speaking--she was hemorrhaging) and she wanted us to come to the hospital as soon as possible. She also apologized for delivering so quickly (13 minutes after she got to the hospital) because she knew how much we'd wanted to be there--and had wanted us there.



I pulled out the packing list that I'd written out weeks before (thank goodness because I was seriously in a state like no other!) and we began throwing things into various bags. You should so wish we had a nanny cam or something because I'm sure it was hilarious. We were like a bunch of bumbling slapstick comics or something! We kept tripping over each other, repacking the same bag, and just generally not knowing what to do with ourselves.



My mom met us on the side of the freeway (not joking) and took the kids. We'd packed them a bag and left it at my mom's a few weeks before--just in case. We kissed them and told them we were "going to visit a friend who just had a baby" and we were off.



When we arrived at the hospital, all of the nurses were grinning and waiting for us. They were all yelling out "congratulations!" and "she (meaning D) is so sweet!" as we made our way to her room. When we entered her room, we both did our best to focus on her first and on meeting her fiance. She looked so small (and so pretty) in her bed. All I wanted to do was hug her and thank her (and maybe cry some). After some brief introductions and visiting, we turned to Keeler.


There he was in all his 8+ pound glory! Big hands, big feet, swollen face and no conehead in sight! He looked huge--compared to our little 3 pounders, of course. We both just stared at him for a few minutes and then, after asking the nurse for permission (what??), I picked him up and handed him to Spencer. The look on Spencer's face was priceless. There was no reservation, no hesitation, and no with-holding. It was the same look he gave our own biological children almost 5 years earlier. (He later said that he couldn't believe how, in that instant that he looked at him, any ambiguity was gone and he just knew that he was ours.)

Being held by Spencer in the light of the giant window in our room (looking west to the mountains).

We spent the next 6 or so hours in D's room with her, her fiance (not Keeler's biological father), and Keeler. We were able to visit, become more well-acquainted and just absorb the spirit that was there. While she chose not to hold him, she did watch us very carefully as we held him and talked to him. As we got to know her, all of the pieces fell into place. We felt an immediate and deep connection and sense of protectiveness that is impossible to explain. We heard her whole story and gained even more appreciation for her, for the decision that she'd made, and for the weight of this decision for her. We came to know her fiance and came to be deeply grateful for him, for his love of D, for his support of her and of her decision, and for his sense of humor. :)

Rebecca, the adoption liaison, and kind-hearted-wants-to-hear-your-whole-story-also-an-adoptive-mom.

Parker Adventist, the hospital where Keeler was delivered, has an incredible adoption outreach program and, as a part of that program, we were given our very own hospital room and were able to have Keeler room-in with us. We were also fed (for free) during our stay and offered the support of their adoption liaison, Rebecca.

Spencer flopped right down on the bed with Keeler as soon as we got into our room--and started "talking" to him.

Later that afternoon, we moved Keeler into our room and spent the next few hours examining him, sending out texts and emails, and just enjoying the moment. We did some skin-to-skin, fed him some donor breastmilk (provided free of charge by the hospital!!), and took some pictures. It all felt so incredible and so surreal. We also visited D again and her fiance came to visit us in our room. (We also began the struggle to name this child--oh boy. HOURS on the internet for Spencer and much writing on the whiteboard in the room for me.)

Skin-to-skin time. Tired much Erin?

That night, around 9pm, I finally sacked out. I'd been awake for some obscene number of hours and it was not pretty. :) Spencer handled all the feedings that night and, the next morning, he said, "It feels like we're cheating! This one is so easy." It's all relative right? One baby. Full term. No oxygen. No monitors. No alarms. No reflux.

Our rockin' caseworker (and former high school classmate) Dan.

Sunday was the day that "D" left the hospital. We had one last meeting with her, our caseworker, her caseworker, her fiance, and Keeler. We thanked her (tearfully) for the choice that she'd made and told her over and over what a huge difference she'd made in our life and our family. As she left the hospital that day, she struggled but she did not waiver. She wished things could have been different, I think , but she did not regret her decision.

All dressed up and ready to meet his brother and sister.

That night, we had my parents bring Isabel and Milo to the hospital to "visit" us. We've talked with them for months about the possibility of us adopting a baby but had not told them that it was a likely possibility. My friend Summer lives just minutes from the hospital and got to meet the little guy just before the kids arrived. As I was introducing him to her, it REALLY started to feel real. And it felt pretty darn good. :) Sage timed her arrival for a few minutes before the kids so she was able to take all of the incredible pictures of them meeting their baby brother for the first time.

Sage visiting with Keeler for a few quick minutes before the twins arrived.

When they walked through the hospital room door with me they both yelled out "Daddy!" to Spencer but then stopped in their tracks when they saw him holding a baby. One of them asked whose baby he had and when I told them that it was their new baby brother, they both let loose these HUGE smiles and gripped my hands even tighter. As they examined him, held him, and helped to feed him they could not stop smiling. Every few minutes they would just grab each other and collapse in a big huge hug. They were SO excited. :)

The whole fam together for the first time.

My sister, my nieces, and my parents were also able to meet Keeler that night (who finally had a name about 5 minutes before they all arrived!). Milo cried the biggest saddest tears when he had to leave his baby brother. It brought tears to my eyes too.

Snuggled up and ready to go home!

Since leaving the hospital with Keeler, we've stayed in touch with his birthmom and have reveled in our relationship with her. She is an incredible person and we hope to maintain this close and open relationship with her throughout his life. She started this process wanted a closed adoption but has since opened up to wanting more and more contact (even calling us "long lost friends that it feels like I finally found"). We did not anticipate how much our relationship with her would mean to us and how much it would factor into our feelings for him. It is really incredible.

Milo and Isabel colored pictures for Keeler and had grandpa write "Welcome home baby brother!" on them and tape them to the door.

This welcome sign and the picture collage frame were waiting for us when we got home. Those darn Pierces are so NICE and so CUTE!! :)

Milo and Isabel bought a birthday cake and decorated my parents' house to welcome Keeler home!

Keeler is healthy, perfect (thus far), a good eater, a good sleeper, and a boy with many adoring fans. Milo loves to kiss him, teach him Kung Fu, and talk to him. Isabel loves to ask questions about him and his birthmom, hold him, and give him his binky if he's crying.


This journey was not easy but, when the time was right and the situation was meant to be, it all lined up and worked out just as it was meant to. We were and are aware of the Lord's hand in every single step of this process. We know that Keeler was meant to be in our family and that he simply had to take another route to get here. Coming through D was an important part of his role here and an important part of D's life and her purpose here--those are her words and thoughts (although we completely agree).